Happily ever after...

I am going to hurry, and blog and then change and go to work! I am having a hard time, so I need to get this out. Today's blog, is just going to be about everything that I am feeling right now. And perhaps, maybe tonight when I read this over, I will remember what I need to do, because I have a few assignments for school, that I need to do:)

Anyways, will there ever be a happily ever after for me? that's the question, that I yet have not found out. But my answer, is yes there will be. Everyday of my life, for the past 18 years has been up and down and I'm still standing strong. I come from such a hard family, and I just sometimes don't know how I survive it. Like for instant, my mom she is INSANE! sometimes, I think she belongs in a mental institution. I don't know what the hell kind of love she expresses, for me but it sure as hell doesn't feel like love. i want to be able to grow up, I know that no matter how old I am to her I'm always going to be a baby. I wish she would just leave me alone, I am so use to her treating me like shit to the point that I don't care anymore. I love her, I always will because she is my mom. I can't wait till I graduate! and get the hell out of here, I am going to be a big girl, achieve and make my big dreams come true:)

Life is wonderful right now, if I minus the negative attitude my mom gives out. I have a wonderful support team, my best friends Ashley, and Jade. I have school, where I go everyday and just feel free! 

Are you ready for me?

So, it's been awhile since I've last blogged. Perhaps, this one today is going to be short, because I am going to go and spend some time with my best friend, since we were in 8th grade. Yep, my guy best friend Brightside, the only guy in the world that understands me, more then I do myself. That's why we are best friends, he is a great person indeed:) So... all I have to say is that I cannot wait for the new year to swing along. I am who I am, and I am not going to change for NO ONE but MYSELF! my mom is blaming me, for stuff she is doing, she is disappointed in me. But the person who she should be most disappointed in, is her self and not me. I did nothing wrong, I make mistakes, if she ever understood me and helped me, I would never be in this situation. I am going through the phase, where she went through when she was young. I am walking in her footsteps, and for that she is blaming me. If you were a better mother, we wouldn't be going through this. I am a big girl, I am 18 I still fear life, and your not helping one god damn bit, women. From now on, I am living life for me, and me only. I am not a selfish person, but I am sick of pleasing everyone but myself. From now on I am going to be who I am, I don't care anymore. I live, I learn, I make mistakes and I am going to grow from them. I am Phoung Christine Tran. I am a beautiful girl, inside and out. I am Filipino, Chinese, and Vietnamese. I am going to be the best person in the world. The thing is.. is this world really ready for me? because you know what.. I am. And I will be standing on top of the world, like I own it. I am going to be a strong strong women, just you watch me grow world. Jesus isn't going to even stop me, he's going to help and guide me, fool.

What am I doing...... is this what I really want? Is this really the right choice... my mind is full of questions...

All I wanna know is, WHAT THE FUCK. Okay, maybe those weren't the right words, but still.. I still wanna know WHAT! questions are filled, in my brain! I don't know what I'm doing, in a way I do. Is this what I really want, is this for sure? am I going to be happy with this. We'll see, we shall see where this leads me. Where I'm going to end up, i'll see how things end up. Maybe this is the whole new things coming for me. Maybe this is the part that is going to spice up my life. Good god, I don't even know. Life right now, life is good. I'm doing good, I'm happier then ever. I just hope that what I think I'm doing is right.